Forty Years, Still Missed

I can hardly believe that it will be forty years on May 15th.  I can still feel the warm sun from that day, smell the spaghetti Aunt Sandy was making for dinner, and see Aunt Carol driving up to the curb to pick us up.  That was a day that changed my life and changed the lives of the rest of my family as well.  That was the day my dad died. May 15, 1972.  I was eleven years old when I woke up on that day, and a child.  I became an adult by bed time.

Over the years, I have marveled at how I can find myself in tears so quickly when thinking about my dad.  People often say that it gets easier to accept the loss of a loved one over time.  The truth is that our lives go on, and we push the memories back so that new memories can be made, so the longer you live without someone, the further back the memories and the pain of the loss are.  But suddenly, unexpectedly, something happens that reminds me of my dad.  Or some life event occurs that brings him to mind.  I always think of him on holidays, but the times I have missed him most have been the milestones in my life; high school and college graduations, my first dance, my first date, giving me away at my wedding.  Every time I hear the father-daughter dance at a wedding, tears form in my eyes.  The birth of my boys.  Oh how I wish he could have known my husband and my boys!  He would have loved them so, and he would have been a great grandfather!  This week, it has been watching Christian, my youngest, that has evoked memories of my dad.  In so many ways, Christian is like my dad.  His love of sports, his love of the outdoors, camping, fishing, and the fact that he will soon be leaving for the Air Force, much like his grandfather.  Speaking with Jonathan on the phone or on Skype also reminds me of my dad.  Jonathan tends to be stubborn and opinionated like his grandfather.  He also never meets a stranger, which was also like my dad.  Everyone loved him.  Or didn't because he would not keep his opinion to himself!  

My dad was a good man and a great dad, but he was not perfect.  Oh no, we argued often, because I inherited his stubborn, opinionated nature. Nonetheless, I always knew he loved me and that he thought I could do anything....well anything except sports.  That was Beth's realm.  He encouraged us, but not the way children are encouraged today.  No babying, no self-esteem concerns; oh no, he told it like he saw it and expected us to do better.  He always told us we could do better, try harder, work harder.  I think that is why all four of us are so driven, and why we all went to work very young.  I am thankful for his belief in me, because it was one of the memories I held on to when I became discouraged.  

My dad and my mom gave me a solid Christian upbringing and modeled a loving relationship for me.  I am so thankful for their example.  The heritage they gave me is priceless and precious.  I always knew my dad loved my mom and he loved us children.  He worked two jobs to provide for us, and he spent his time away from work with the family.  I can still see him sitting in our pew in church, grinning as Beth and I sang in the children's choir.  Now I realize he was probably laughing inside because I cannot carry a tune at all, but he never let on.  I can see him on that last Valentine's day, opening the gift Beth and I gave him...a pitiful, hand sewn (without a pattern and literally sewn by hand with a needle and thread) blue and white calico checked necktie.  He said he loved it and he wore it!  We buried it with him three months later.

My dad died 40 years ago May 15th, and I still miss him.  He left behind a young wife and four little children, who grieved deeply for him for years.  My mom picked up my dad's responsibilities and raised us, fulfilling their legacy.  That legacy lives and loves because of the example they set.  Four children, all married only one time.  Beth and Patrick Errington, married 31 years this coming August.  Kim and Jon LaRou, married 26 years this past February. Jim and Christine Lewis, married 25 years this past March.  Felix and Lorri Vallone, married 24 years this coming April 30th.11 grandchildren, 10 living and one passed on in 1993.  All successfully employed or in school.  I know my dad will be with  us in spirit as Jonathan  commissions into the US Army and graduates from Michigan State University May 4th and 5th, and he will be with us in spirit again when Christian graduates from Vicenza High School on June 10th and leaves for the US Air Force September 11th.  I will think about him on those days, and wish he could see these fine young men who love their family and who love the Lord, my sons and his grandsons, that are part of his legacy. Yes, 2012 marks the forty year anniversary of our loss, but I know he is with the Lord, and that he is grinning from ear to ear with pride over his family, his legacy.  And I know, we will one day be together in paradise.  I love you, dad.